If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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