I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
