Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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