i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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