I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
