come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
