Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Even my vagina gasped.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
