I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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