Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
