she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
