and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
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