New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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