I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
