This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
