I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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