Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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