I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
