Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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