just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
God, you're like boner-b-gone
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
