New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Randomize