Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
