I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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