Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
