Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
