Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
