and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
