New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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