He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Can you bring me the toilet please
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
