okay pat passed out under dana's car
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
