alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
