we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
