so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
