she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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