I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Randomize
