i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
