3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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