do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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