every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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