if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
