Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
