I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
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