I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
We got so high we made milksteak
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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