you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
