Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
