Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
