After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
