to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
