Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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