this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
