my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
