omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
