bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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