i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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