we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
