ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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