they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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