You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
dude. I can hear the air.
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