You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize