bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
