just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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