it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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