Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
