You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize