Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
MIDGETS
????
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
