is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
You're so nebulous sometimes
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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