Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
