Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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