I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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