he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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