you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I've blown a few things in my day
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I can't turn off my feet"
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
