You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
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