In the future we'll all be gay
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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