Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
