i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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