I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
