she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
