well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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