I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
