chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
We need to get me chipped asap
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
