Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Duck Duck Cougar?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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