I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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