I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
