and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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